


and know that I'll always love you

by xofrnk



Category: My Chemical Romance, The Used
Genre: Angst, M/M, Miscarriage, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-03
Updated: 2012-11-03
Packaged: 2017-11-17 16:51:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xofrnk/pseuds/xofrnk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeph suggests they adopt- mainly because sperm banks freak him out and the thought of jacking off into a cup is really weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and know that I'll always love you

**Author's Note:**

> because clearly i hate myself omfg. based on a prompt from ImagineYourOTP on tumblr.  
> WARNING- this is probably full of medical inaccuracies but i'm a fifteen year old high school student not a medical student so...

It's taken years to get this far, that's not even an exaggeration because Mikey has been trying since Winston was just a puppy and the fucker is nearing ten. But all of his years of subtly dropping hints and Jeph has finally given in, they're finally going to have a baby.

Jeph suggests they adopt- mainly because sperm banks freak him out and the thought of jacking off into a cup is really weird. Mikey is way ahead of him though, he's been planning this for the last two years and by the time his boyfriend caves Mikey's handing him a list of potential surrogates. Jeph isn't really sure what to do with that, though, but Mikey explains in detail the pros and cons of each woman and they end up settling on a sweet, younger girl named Megan who's just trying to put herself through college.

She totally fits in with them, the same dry sense of humor Mikey has and the pessimism of his boyfriend.

Because Mikey totally hates him, he convinces Jeph to donate the sperm using some story Jeph is sure he's worked hard on with a lot of "I just want it to be part of _you_ ,"'s and "Baby, I love you so much...please?"'s.

They don't have to try hard at all, and on the second go they've got a baby. Megan coming over with an envelope of papers confirming it that she promptly hands off to Mikey(because she knows he's totally the one in charge of this whole scenario) only makes it more official.

Mikey cries the first time they accompany their surrogate to a scan(something he'll deny later), squeezing Jeph's hand and looking up at him to whisper "Jepha, Jeph...that's our baby.". Jeph smiles a little and nods, squeezing his hand in return because yeah, it is.

The twenty week mark comes fast and Megan spends a lot of time at the apartment with them, mainly because the baby has just started to kick and Mikey is totally facinated with that. Jeph is too but he just won't admit it, the others can see the look in his eyes every time Mikey slides his palms across Megan's belly and is rewarded with a flutter of movement.

They don't want the gender, keeping it a surprise and whatnot.

Twenty-five weeks is when they drive Megan in for another scan. She's been a little worried because she hasn't felt any movement for a week and a half now and even though she's assured them it's probably nothing, Mikey is jittery and nervous the entire drive.

The ultrasound tech barely has to look to know somethings wrong, the absence of the usual 'thump-thump-thump' of their baby's heartbeat should be a warning for Mikey but he's not even thinking about it because in the next moment a nurse is coming in to guide them out into the waiting room. "Jeph what's going on? Why are we out here, where's Megan, what are they _doing_?" he askes frantically, gripping Jeph's arm tight and looking up at his boyfriend for answers.

Jeph can't give him any, he just shuts his eyes and wraps his arm around Mikey because he knows. Their baby is gone and he _knows_ it. It doesn't take long for Mikey to catch on, he notices the look on Jeph's face and he shakes his head "No, Jepha you're not-no." he says firmly but his voice quivers and Jepha knows he's close to tears.

Hours later they're faced with a doctor telling them that he's 'terribly sorry' and Mikey can't deal with this. How could they lose their baby and not know? "Your surrogate was having mild back pains and she just...didn't think anything of it, it really isn't anybody's fault. This isn't very common but sometimes women lose a baby and just...can't tell, especially if it's their first." The doctor assures them and Jeph asks if they can see Megan. "She's really shaken up right now, be gentle with her.".

Mikey tries to compose himself, he really does. But when they get to her room and Megan is already crying it's hard not to join her. She loved this baby too, maybe not as much but it was still something she thought was amazing. "I'm so sorry." she whispers and Jepha shakes his head "It wasn't your fault, Meg, don't blame yourself.". They hug her and assure her they really don't hate her before deciding it best to leave.

On the way out though, they're stopped by the doctor who looks honestly sorry to bring it up but inquires about a funeral and registering the birth/death of their child, which of course sets Mikey crying again and Jeph insisting he'll take care of it. He has a feeling he's going to be doing a lot of 'taking care of it' over the next few weeks while simeltaniously trying to keep himself together. It was his baby too.

While they're arranging everything, they discover they were set to have a daughter. Jeph doesn't think Mikey has stopped crying a day in two weeks.

All of Mikey's close family and Megan are the only people they want present, it's bad enough they have to do this to a daughter they never got to meet, they don't want people pretending to care. Jeph spends most of his time just staring at the name they're laying her to rest under(partially because Mikey is being passed around in hugs by his brother and Frank and his mother), Danielle Marie Howard. Mikey had been insistent that she have Jeph's last name.

The last thing they do is carefully pack away everything they'd put together in the spare room, painting the walls white and leaving the door closed with everything stacked in boxes in the corner. Part of the grieving process or something like that. Nobody mentions a baby for a while, and when they do it's Gerard sharing that Lindsey is pregnant again. Mikey resolutely does not cry, only maybe a little.

They never try again.


End file.
